Exhausted. Dead-tired. Drained. Enervated. Fatigued. Spent. Debilitated.
There simply are not enough adjectives in the English language to describe how I feel at the end of this school year. I am in the midst of my 24th year of teaching and am exasperated from the past almost two years. This feeling of exhaustion certainly coincides with the pandemic, however, it is not because of the pandemic itself- which, to be sure, exacerbates the issue. These problems are scion's of the pandemic. The compounding of the issues has begun to wear on not only me but scores of other educators down to the point where we no longer view teaching as a calling but is now nothing short of a penance. As recently as a year ago I knew I would certainly teach beyond 30 years. I might do 35, 37, maybe 40 years. I loved teaching, I loved interacting with students, and the annoyances were tolerable so long as I was in the classroom. Now, however, I am at the point where I find myself saying 'Just six more years'. I know I am not alone. I know there are many in classrooms today saying to themselves 'Just six more months'. This malaise is palpable in schools across the nation. For me, this feeling is not all that prevalent when I walk into my classroom, shut the door and its just me and 25-30 teenagers learning American History. That, for the most part, is still enjoyable. I still love teaching. I still love interacting with students. I still love history. Inside my classroom when the door is shut it is still chillingly exciting and wonderful. It's when the door is open and I step outside of my classroom or the outside world creeps into my classroom that is so very wearing.
Over the past year and a half teachers have gone from heralded heroes of American society to enemies of society in the eyes of many people. Around this time last year, because I am currently the Vice President of the local teachers union, I was contacted by several people in the community accusing me of being against students because the teachers union was advocating for mandatory masking in the schools as well as maintaining the schedule of only half of the students being in-person with the other half being remote. I answered every email I received, I even had a few meetings with some of these individuals. In every interaction I was always polite, professional, and never attempted to dodge their questions or accusations. I can honestly say some of these individuals did not reciprocate. Most were very nice and and respectful, but not all were. Some accused me of simply not caring about the well being of students. I completely understood the frustrations and angst about online learning. I hated teaching online, and I despised even more teaching in-person and online simultaneously. I wanted nothing more that all students to be back in the classroom everyday, but only when we were reasonably sure it was safe for all. I loathe wearing a mask. It is cumbersome, uncomfortable, hot, and makes it difficult to hear what is being said. I want nothing more than to pitch the mask, but not at the risk of making others mortally sick. However, many people firmly know they know things about what I and other educators believe and want without actually knowing anything about our intents or beliefs. Being attacked in such a grievous manner is certainly taxing mentally and emotionally. It is very wearing.
As students began to return to the classroom- wearing masks I might add- a new bogyman appeared on the horizon, becoming the siren-call for many and placed a new target on educators, particularly American History teachers. Critical Race Theory. Suddenly, many believed, CRT was being taught in elementary and secondary classrooms across the country brainwashing American students turning them into good little Bolsheviks. First, let me be clear that CRT is an academic theory to explain the unfortunate prevalence of and role that racism has played in shaping American society. The theory has been around for decades and is primarily taught in graduate level political science and law classes. It is not taught in public classrooms. Believe me if I had the ability to brainwash my students I would be teaching them to put away their phones and turn in their work, it would not be teaching them to be Anti-American Communists. I have been asked by parents as well as community members if I taught CRT. My response is always the same. I simply reply, "I do not teach CRT. I teach what happened. Some of American history is good and inspiring. Some of it is bad and some of American history is awful and shameful. But good citizens should know the good to use as a blueprint for the future and they should know the bad to know what to not repeat." Racism is a thing, and it has played a role in American society. Slavery existed, it was real. Segregation happened. All are indisputable. No one should ever be taught to be ashamed of the color of their skin or of their nationality, and that does not happen in the overwhelming number of classrooms in the United States and it certainly does not take place in my classroom. However, if teaching and learning about what actually happened in our history is offensive, then the problem is not with schools but rather with individual sensibility. But, because many people believe that schools are destroying the fabric of America, teachers- history teachers in particular- are being targeted and attacked on false charges. When all you want to do is teach, this is beyond demoralizing and dispiriting
Perhaps the last component in all of this are the students themselves. I read an article recently that described them as "feral". This is a very apt description. I still really enjoy them and have a good time with them, however, over the past 18 months they have forgotten how to, for lack of a better term, "student". Since they returned full time this past fall the work ethic, which had become very suspect during remote learning, did not return as hoped. Cell phones which have always been the bane of my teaching have become even more of an issue to the point where the students don't even try to hide the fact that they are on their phones during class. And new to this year, is a wonton disrespect for the school facilities. Bathrooms are being mindlessly destroyed. Fights have become more frequent and brutal. Worse still is the fact that in the past other students would come to get an adult when such boorish acts were being committed, now students response is to get out their cell phones to record these behaviors. These unconscionable actions only compound the other new issues that have sprouted in the last year and a half. Altogether, they become a dispiriting, disheartening, dismal and crushing weight.
Teaching has never been easy. It has always been hard. People know when they enter the teaching profession they won't be paid well, respect is tenuous at best, and everyone is an educational expert willing to give their advice because they were students once as well. None of that has changed, it is still true. What has changed are new pressures and demands being placed upon teachers. Worse still, is that many of these new issues are completely unfounded at best and unfortunately very often completely irrational. Teachers are trained to use logic and rationalism when dealing with problems, but when confronted with aberrant rants the weapons of teachers are of little use. If I could remain in my classroom, with my students and my corner of the educational world, I could happily teach another 10-15 years, it is when my classroom door opens and the world outside slinks in that six years seems so far away. My parting words for my educator friends is this: I know we are all very tired and exhausted. It is real and it is palatable. Winter Break is rapidly approaching. Take advantage of that time. Go home, reconnect with your loved ones and recharge. That's what breaks are for. You sacrifice enough of your time during the school year, don't do it during break. There will always be planning to do, there will always be meetings to attend, there will always be problems to address, but time with those who are most important is limited. Do nothing but enjoy the holidays, your loved ones, and your time off.