This is not the blog I was planning to post today.Today is graduation. Or at least it was supposed to be. Today was the day that my wife and I had circled and highlighted on every calendar- electronic and paper- that we had. Today my oldest son was going to wear his gown, wear his stupid looking hat that somehow signify's that you are smart, hear his name announced, walk across the stage, receive his diploma, and graduate from high school.
I had the entire day built up in my mind what it would look like. I would sit in the same row as my son so I could give him a giant hug when he returned the row after having received his diploma cover. My wife, my youngest son and the rest of our families would all be there at the arena to witness this momentous event. My blog today was going to detail what a truly special day this was and how it was a testament to fortitude and resiliency as my son's path to this moment was not an easy one and indeed there were moments that I thought it would never happen.
Alas, it will not happen. But the reason for it not happening has nothing to do with the reasons I thought it might not, it happened because of a pandemic that has completely altered every facet of every persons life.
When it was first announced in mid-March that school would be closed due to the Coronavirus, my first thought was, 'Well, we'll be out for a few weeks and then we'll be back. I can do virtual teaching until the middle of April.' I eagerly jumped into teaching via my computer. It was a novelty, it was an adventure, and it was just for a few weeks. Quickly, the uniqueness of virtual teaching wore off. Then, it was announced that we would not be coming back at all during the school year. That was devastating. My little world, as I knew it, was no more. Very often you hear people talk about the "good old days" and more often than not, upon closer examination, those old days really were not good, people just remember their past to be better than it really was. In this case however, the "old days" really were much better than the present because the present days, well.....suck.
There are a number of things I miss about the "good old days". I miss going to dinner, drinks and a movie. I miss going to hear live music. I miss not being able to attend sporting events. Heck, I even miss just going shopping. But most of all I miss my job. I've read that most people really do not like their jobs, so I must be an exception. I absolutely love my job. And I really miss it.
I miss the cacophony of sounds as students come into my classroom. I miss the joking and gentle teasing that I have with my students as we work our way through American History. I miss working one on one with students who are struggling with understanding the importance of Contextualization and Point of View when reading documents. I miss the banter with colleagues in the hallway during passing periods. I miss the laughter and bizarre conversations with my department during lunch. I even miss arriving at school every day at 4:30 in the morning to start my day. I miss teaching.
This current format of teaching and learning is as good as could be expected for something was literally created as it was being implemented. But let's be honest, it is truly is not working. Everyday I have assignments for my students to do. I have, for the most part, stayed on my planned pace of instruction but I really don't feel like I'm teaching. For the first time in my entire career, I really do feel like I've failed my students in giving them the very best I could give them. The worst part of that is this; It isn't anyone's fault and that is the most frustrating thing. Are my students learning? I honestly don't know. In the classroom I can look at them and tell if they are or not. On the computer, it's hard to say.
I read in the newspaper that the district said that student engagement is quite high. My experience is quite the opposite. Judging from posts I've read and conversations I've had with other teachers, their experience is very similar to mine. Initially, it was fairly good. Students were checking in on the attendance and were doing the assignments. I would receive a fair amount of emails with questions about the content or the assignment and they would show up for Zoom meetings. As virtual learning progressed, student engagement began to wane. When it was announced that student grades were essentially frozen on March 13th,meaning whatever their grade was on March 13th that would be the lowest possible grade they could finish the year with, student engagement plummeted. It is now not unusual for around 50% of my students to check into attendance. In my computer grade book, the cell turns red if a student receive a failing grade on an assignment. In the last few weeks my gradebook looks as though someone cut an artery on my gradebook as it is now a sea of red. Yeah, this is working pretty well.
Now there is talk about what the Fall will look like. It has been proposed that we would operate on rotating split schedules with about a 1/3 of the students on any given day being in the classroom and the other 2/3 would be learning on-line. Meaning that teachers would have to have lessons for virtual learning as well as in person learning. Essentially double the workload for teachers, but oh yeah, hey teachers might be asked to work for less. More work for less pay, that seems legit. If we stay on virtual learning, what about students who don't have reliable or any internet access? If student engagement has precipitously dropped over the last few weeks, what will it look like if we pick up again in August? What about the enormous learning gap that most educational experts are predicting for current students because of this virtual learning. How do we close that gap by re-engaging in virtual learning in the fall? On the other hand, how can we do this in August when parents, hopefully, will be back to work? What does that look like for a 1st grader? If we open up schools again, how does that work? Children in general, middle school boys in particular, are walking germ magnets. What about teachers that have compromised immune systems or are otherwise susceptible to the virus? There are not any good answers to any of these, the only answer we do have it that all of this will take place with even less money than before. So here's a hearty handshake (or elbow bump) and a laurel wreath and good luck! You can do this.
Our current reality isn't working. It's just not. It takes a special kind of student and and special kind of teacher to excel at virtual teaching and learning. Most teachers and most students don't fall into that category. For most teachers and most students this is a real struggle and it is not working. At all. At the beginning of this year, I thought to myself "Wow, I only have 9 years until I can retire. But I could see myself going another 12-15 years. Why not? I love what I do." At the end of my 21st year of teaching I now think "I have 8 more years? If it is anything like the past few months, can I make it 8 more years?"
Here's my hope. Although this is as bad as it seems, it's not forever. At some point things will return to as close to normal as possible. I will be able to go out for dinner, drinks and a movie again. I will be able to go shopping again. And my son Ayden, is scheduled to have his graduation ceremony this August. and I will be able to hug him after he exits the stage. At some point I will have students in my classes again. There will be laughing and jocularity with my co-workers again. I will once again be engaged in the great Cell Phone Wars in my classroom. And all will seem to be right again as the current Bad New Days give way to the Good Old Days. Always have faith.
