Right and Wrong and In Between
My oldest son, Ayden, is a passionate soul. He’s passionate about normal teenage stuff; his phone, sleeping, football, girls, video games, his phone, girls, and sleeping. He’s passionate about learning new and different things about the world around him. Turning in his schoolwork on time or at all? He’s not so passionate about that. He’s passionate about music, he plays the guitar (and he’s quite good) and he sings (and he’s really good). He is also passionate about human rights, he’s passionate about the underdog and underclass, he’s passionate about social justice, and he’s passionate about righteousness and good triumphing over evil and bad. His passion for social justice and righteousness is so strong that he only sees things as right or wrong, he loses rationality and objectivity. This is not uncommon for teenagers who often only tend to see things as white or black. His political beliefs and mine don’t match up at all. In any aspect. This has led to many, many intense debates between he and I. One of our most frequent debates is over the issue of race and racism.
Both of us are in agreement that any type of racism against any race is wrong and unacceptable. Both of us are in agreement that any type of bigotry against anyone, any religion, and lifestyle, or any gender is intolerable. Where we differ is in our understanding of redemption and rehabilitation. I believe it is possible. Ayden, for the most part, does not.
We were recently watching a TV show, and a story came on about Daryl Davis, a black man who just couldn’t understand or comprehend the concept of racism. He could not wrap his head around the notion that someone could hate him if that person did not know him. So, Davis actively seeks out members of the KKK and goes to talk with them to find out why they hold the beliefs they do. He does this not just out of curiousness but he also does it because he wants to make friends with them. And often times he does and very often Davis gets the KKK member to give him their hood and robe as they disavow the KKK. Davis’ philosophy is simple; you can’t hate an entire group of people just because, and you can’t automatically hate someone if you don’t know them. During the interview, Davis said that he believed if you sat down with someone and just talked for five minutes you would find something you have in common with each other. Then you could talk about that commonality for ten more minutes and that would lead to other things you have in common and soon you would realize that you have a lot more in common than you do not. Davis’ philosophy was simple: You don’t have to like everything about a person but there is almost always something about every person that you can like. You just need to talk and interact with people.
This story launched Ayden and me into another discussion about racism and bigotry. Ayden tends to believe that once a person is a racist or bigot, that’s a tough stain to come back from. I tend to believe that people can change. Just because you once were a “bad” person doesn’t condemn you to always being a bad person. I choose not to associate with racists and bigots on a personal level. I certainly don’t condone their beliefs or lifestyle but I also believe that people can have an honest change of heart and redeem themselves to become productive and positive forces in society. As always happens when Ayden and I discuss this topic the conversation quickly turns to Nazi’s. Ayden harbors a special hatred for Nazi’s. I certainly strongly dislike them as well. But Ayden, he despises them. And when our conversation turns to Nazi’s that’s when our conversation steps up to a whole new level of discourse.
Nazi’s, Rights, and Wrongs
Both Ayden and I have no use for Nazi’s and their abusive, destructive ideology. I don’t understand that level of hate. I don’t understand how you can believe you are better than another person simply because the color of your skin is different from another’s. I don’t understand how you can believe that someone is inferior to you simply because their religious beliefs are different than yours. None of that unfounded hatred makes any sense to me. On this point, Ayden and I agree. Beyond this, Ayden and I agree on very little when it comes to Nazi’s and unfettered hatred. Ayden believes that the way to defeat Nazi’s is through violence. Wherever Nazi’s are, they should be met with physical force. Attack and intimidation is the antidote to Nazism and those of their ilk according to my oldest. I disagree, violence only begets violence. When your entire philosophy is predicated upon violent confrontation, physical intimidation, and submission via force I believe you are only buttressing and validating their convictions by physically attacking them. Nazi’s and those of similar creeds relish physical confrontations. Iron sharpens iron. You cannot hope to defeat the ideologies that you detest if you engage in the same tactics that you abhor. When combating racism, bigotry, and hatred in all its forms and creations you will always win the intellectual and moral arguments. Hatred, racism, and bigotry hold no high ground in any principled discussion. Physically attacking those with whom you vehemently disagree only lowers you to their level. Nazi’s and Fascists did exactly this in Germany and Italy when they were coming to power by employing young men to assault on sight those who were opposed to their philosophies and intimidating their opponents into submission and the shadows of society. I do believe, however, if you are attacked or physically threatened by these troglodytes, then, by all means, fight with a violent will and be merciless, but do not attack with the only provocation being the mere sight of these people. On this point, Ayden and I go around and around with each other.
Another point of strong contention between Ayden and I is over the “rights” of these people and their freedom of speech. Ayden once asked me if I thought people had the right to be bigots, racists, or belong to the KKK or be a Nazi. This was an interesting question I thought. Not sure right is the correct term here. Usually, when I think of a “right” I think in terms of people believing in or subscribing to beliefs and ideologies that have some basis of rationalism and reality- you can understand why people would support those ideas even if you don’t. For instance, I don’t believe in any way, shape or form with Communism, but I can understand why it would be appealing to some people. I don’t subscribe to Atheism, but I can see why some people would. But when it comes to being a racist or bigot, I don’t understand how people can hold those views. To me people are people and that’s all. Some are good people and some are not but the color of their skin, their religion, their lifestyle or their gender does not determine if they are good or bad. So, with that understanding of a “right” I’m not sure that being a racist or bigot fits that description. Do people have the “right” to be a racist or bigot? I suppose they do although I really don’t understand how they can have those beliefs. Do people have the “right” to belong to the KKK or be a Nazi? Again, I suppose they do although I don’t understand how they can choose to belong to such groups. I believe those “rights” are protected by the First Amendment. Free Speech is tricky, often uncomfortable thing and often forces us to protect and defend things we find enormously offensive or repugnant. Where their rights end is when they seek to impose their will or thought on others in a violent fashion. Ayden vehemently disagrees with this argument. No one he argues has the “right” to be racist or a bigot. No one, he believes, has the right to belong to the KKK or the Nazi’s. When I ask him how he would prevent people from being like that, he really doesn’t have an answer which I guess circles back to my beliefs: You can’t prevent people from believing racist ideology or belonging to various groups. Nor would I really want to. As much as I abhor and detest people like that, I don’t want to begin passing laws against it. That is a slippery slope. How do you determine which groups or thoughts are okay and which are not? Who gets to determine that? What is the punishment for offenses? Why is that the punishment? Who gets to determine the punishment? Why do those people get to determine the punishment? And then once we feel satisfied that we have squashed out the groups we feel repugnant do we then begin to go after the Republicans or the Democrats because some of the people from the “subversive” groups migrated to those parties? Do we go after the Boy Scouts because they only allow boys and at one time would not allow homosexuals? Where does the cleansing end? Is this a society we want to live in? For me, it is not.
So, do people have the “right” to be racist, bigoted and belong to organizations that promote their ideas? For me, yeah, I suppose they do. Would I defend their “rights”? I would defend their rights to hold those beliefs, to write about their beliefs, to publish and promote their beliefs. But I could not and would not ever defend their beliefs or promote their beliefs. Defending their right to think and say what they do is very different from defending their beliefs. Ayden disagrees, in his mind defending their right to think things is the same as defending their beliefs. And that comes back to my understanding of “rights”. I understand how my son arrives at this belief. I can, when I look at it from his perspective, get where he is coming from. But I don’t agree with his perception, but I will defend his right to hold that belief.
Teenage Vision, Hate, and Hope
All of this brings me back to my earlier point at the beginning of this essay; Can people change their ideas and redeem themselves when they have previously held socially destructive, divisive and repugnant ideas or belonged to hateful groups and organizations? Ayden, for the most part, believes they can’t. He doesn’t believe he could ever like someone who at one time held hateful ideas or belonged to socially divisive organizations. Once a bigot, always a bigot. Once a racist you will always have racist thoughts in Ayden’s eyes. I believe the opposite. People have a change of heart all the time. People can see the error of their ways and rebuild their standing within their community and repair any relationships they may have damaged because of their beliefs. People can always become better, people can always become good. Even when they were the worst of the worst. People are just people.
I believe that over time Ayden’s views on humanity and the world will change. Probably not radically, he’ll always retain his core values. But, I do believe that he will begin to see the nuances of issues and people, he will begin to begin to see the grey and less black and white. It happens to all of us. When we were teenagers, we were sure we knew the world and how to fix it because we could see with such clarity the right and wrongs and we couldn’t understand how the older generations had such blurred vision when it came to the world. As we grew older, we’ve come to realize that it was us, as teenagers, who had the blurred vision because we saw things in such stark contrasts. We’ve come to realize the world is not black and white, it is not good and bad. In fact, there is more in the middle than there is anywhere else. Ayden will come to see that as well as he gets older I’m sure. As for me, I can’t hate people, certainly not people that I don’t know or have ever met. I can’t hate people because I disagree with their politics, their religion, their lifestyle, or their core beliefs. I have to meet people and get to know them before I can dislike them. And even then, hating them is hard. Hating takes too much time, effort and energy to sustain and the people who you would hate are not worth that type of effort. I can say that every time I meet someone, I can always find something about them that I like or admire. That is the point that I am trying to teach to Ayden. Before you hate a person, you have to know that person. Once you know that person, you will realize there is hope.
Hope always beats hate.
