Politics, Education, Society, Family and Other Random Silliness

As we come to the close of 2018 and approach the beginning of 2019, I find myself looking back on the events of the past year as well as looking forward to prospects of the coming year. This past year has certainly been a momentous one for us collectively as well as for me personally and the coming year promises to be equally memorable- for better or worse. I find my head filled with all sorts of random thoughts and observations about the silliness that our life is made of and the events that make moments memorable. So, indulge me if you will as I share some of these random observations and comments. As always, I welcome your thoughts and insight as well.

#IAmOffended
It seems like with every passing year people become more and more offended by more and more things. Why? Is everything that may cause you the slightest irritation cause for you to take indignation to? Why does everything have to be offensive to somebody? Just because you don't like something or are irritated with it is not a reason to claim that you have been offended. When you, or anyone, takes offense to anything and everything it cheapens and degrades the things we should be truly offended by; real racism, real bigotry, real hatred, real abuse. Those are the things that are worth our indignation and offense. To be offended simply because you don't like the message or disagree with the idea is tiresome and ridiculous. If everything is offensive, then nothing is offensive because that visceral reaction loses all of its impact and meaning.

Myself, I find very, VERY, few things offensive. Life is too short to be offended by much.  I would much rather immerse myself in topics, conversation and thoughts that I enjoy rather than wallow in the depths of despair and annoyance. If you hear or read something that you don't like or agree with move on, change the channel, scroll past it or walk away instead of working yourself into a froth of imagined and manufactured fury. My advice to you for a better life is this: be offended less- A LOT LESS!, smile more- A LOT MORE! Be angry less- A LOT LESS-, laugh more- A LOT,  LOT MORE! Find humor in the jokes, laugh at life's foolish insanity, smile at the foibles and follies of yourself and others. Be indignant and angry less. Save your enmity for the things that are truly worth it. Trust me, you and society, at large will be the better for it.

Politics Doesn’t  Have To Be Personal
One of the most disturbing trends in politics today is that it has become so entrenched and tribal. Political beliefs have become so personal to so many that they find it hard to separate their identity from their political beliefs. Too many people allow politics to determine their personal relationships. For many to disagree with their political beliefs or for someone to subscribe to an opposing political viewpoint is a deeply personal attack. To me, this is absolutely ludicrous.

Unless your political views require you to view all others as subservient, inferior, and as an enemy people who have differing political views than yours are just that- people who see things differently and that's all. Trust me, you can still like, respect and be friends with these people. And if your politics require you to see those who disagree with you as somehow less intelligent, inferior or otherwise beneath you than it is not others who are substandard, but you.

Republicans don't have only right answers. Democrats don't just have wrong ideas. Both are equally right and wrong. Capitalism is not the only answer. Socialism is not pure evil. Both are just different spectrums on society and both have inherent positives and negatives. To subscribe to one of these ideas and philosophies instead of the other doesn't make you any more right or wrong than anyone else. They're just ideas and beliefs and you can still be friends with and respect people on the other side. If you allow politics to determine your circle of friends and acquaintances your belief in your political leanings must not be very strong if you feel threatened by those who hold opposite views.
People are just people regardless of their political affiliations.

I Identify As...
Now, hear me out: I DO NOT HAVE A PROBLEM AT ALL WITH TRANSGENDER PEOPLE IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM! I truly believe, and always have, that there are instances where people are born into the wrong body. I truly believe that happens and I have no issue with people trying to get into the body should be in. I have been taken aback by the sudden rush recently of people who claim to be transgender. This sudden wave of people claiming transgender status seemed to come from out of nowhere. What does really shock me is when people introduce themselves to me or write next to their signature the pronouns they identify as. Such as, "Hi, I'm Jim and I identify as..." My response to all of this is very simple: I really don't care what you identify yourself as, what you wish to be called, what religion you identify with, what color your skin is, or who you find yourself attracted to. All I care about is that I can identify you as a decent human being.

Education Mindbenders
Has there ever been a time in history when we haven't been trying to "reform education"? Seems like there has always been some effort to reform the perceived shortcomings of education. And people in education have always seemed attracted to educational reforms like moths to a flame. People love to try to reform education and people in education love to get reformed. Now, here is one inescapable truth; for literally centuries numerous education reforms have yielded very little in the way of truly making education better and people are always convinced that younger generations are always not as smart as theirs, therefore, the education system is to blame for that. Here is the reality- no generation is ever smarter or less so than any others. Education has certainly changed over the years, but in terms of its ability, or lack thereof, in delivering knowledge it has improved or degraded very little. Another nugget of truth; education reform always seems to go in cycles. Usually in 15-20 year cycles. An idea comes up on how to revolutionize education and make it better, education leaders flock to the idea and immerse themselves in that idea for about 3-5 years until a "new and better" idea arrives then the old idea is discarded because "the results weren't there" or "research shows" this idea is better. This process is repeated over and over again. Until 15-20 years have passed and then the old ideas begin to pop up again just with different names and the cycle is repeated. As I am entering my third decade in education, I can attest this is very true and is quite amusing.

One of the most frustrating problems with all of these reforms is that they are usually created by people who haven't been in the classroom on a full-time basis in years! I can't tell you how many times I've sat in meetings listening to someone extoll the positives of some "new" method from some researcher and have the presenter say something like "Dr. Soandso has years of classroom teaching behind them as they were a classroom teacher for 26 years." Impressive. Then you find out they left the classroom in, say, 2001 to go into research! Now, I'm not good at math but this tells me that they have been out of the classroom for almost 20 years and they began teaching in the 1970's! Of course this just a made up example, however, the realities are not. All too often recycled ideas come through with new names being pushed as the latest silver bullet for education from some educational researcher who may have years of classroom experience but none recently and they usually began teaching when reel to reel films, overhead projectors, and mimeograph machines were the best in educational technology. So, why don't current classroom teachers create their own educational reforms? Sometimes it does happen, but not very often. Why? Ahhhh, that leads me to my next point.

Demands. Teachers today have sooooooooooooo many demands put on them that it leaves very little time for them to create new,  innovative strategies that would allow them to take control of education and begin to direct its course. Teachers have so many assessments that they must administer, so many IEP's, 504's and other student needs that must be met, benchmarks that have to monitored, and then there are the meetings. UGH! THE MEETINGS!!!! SO! MANY! MEETINGS!!!! Team meetings, content meetings, level meetings, cross-curricular meetings, committee meetings, staff meetings, meetings to plan meetings, meetings to discuss past meetings, meetings to discuss past meetings and plan next meetings. Like acronyms, education has never met a meeting that it didn't like. Warren G. Harding once said, "If at the end of a meeting you decide to have another then nothing was accomplished in the original meeting." Judging by his presidency, Harding must have had a lot of meetings. But his message does resonate. The goal of meetings should be to have fewer meetings. If you decide you need more meetings at the end of a meeting then what are you meeting for in the first place? Trust me, nobody-especially teachers- has ever said, "Gosh you know what I would like? More meetings!" or "Gosh, I wish this meeting was longer." If we really want to improve education and teaching there is no better way, in my mind, than allowing teachers to be in their classroom and doing what they do best- teach. Free them of the demands and meetings and just let them teach. That's all.

Family: The People You Enjoy The Most And Are Frustrated By The Most
Not a day goes by that I don't enjoy my family. Not a day goes by that I don't shake my head in disbelief because of my family. This past year has been a momentous one and eyebrow rising one in the Munholland household.

My wife, Stephanie, is as wonderful today as she was the day we got married 18 1/2 years ago. She still makes me smile and laugh on a daily basis. I literally look forward to her coming home from work every day just so I can see and talk with her. She is the highlight of my day. Even if her standards for a clean bathroom are so high that not even Martha Stewart could meet those expectations. This year has been difficult for her. She now has two teenage boys who need her less than they used to and have teenage boy attitudes which can be very offputting. They just aren't her little boys anymore. They no longer have that sweet smell they used to have after getting out of the bathtub. They now have the rather unpleasant smell of a teenage boy which is a mixture of B.O. and the pachyderm house at the zoo on a hot August day. she can't cut their hair the way she would like it cut anymore, which really is a shame. The boys have shaggy, crazy hair which they think looks really good. They are wrong. This has been a difficult transition for her, but she has handled it well I think and while Steph may not think so, she is still the boys' mother and she is still important to them and needed in their lives.

Our oldest, Ayden, has had quite the year. He finally passed his driving test, after failing the test two previous times. Within his first month of driving, he was in two accidents, both of which were not his fault. He got his first job and has a wonderful young lady as his girlfriend. His grades and his outlook on life have steadily gotten better each year since his low point as an 8th grader. This past semester his lowest grade was a "C". Yea! His politics and view of the world still bewilders and stuns me. There are times when I honestly don't know how to respond to his bizarre views of the world. I will probably never agree much with his politics but my hope is that over time his views at least begin to reside on planet Earth and not in some weird universe where they currently reside.

Cameron continues to be Cameron. Funny, lighthearted, and oblivious to the world around him. However, over the past year, his vocabulary has become more and more limited. He has seemingly forgotten a great number of words over the past year. If I can get more than two to three multi-word sentences out of him over the course of a day I consider that a minor victory of sorts. My usual conversations with Cameron usually consist of grunts and groans and maybe an occasional word that sounds a little like "Yeah" or "Okay". However, I am not all that concerned about his seeming decline in vocabulary because I do hear him have very detailed conversations with his friends on XBox Live as they scheme and plan how to win at whatever game they are playing. Perhaps, in order for me to have a conversation with him, I just need to put on a McDonald's drive-thru headset and pretend that we are playing Fortnite.

So there you have it. My random thoughts and views on this past year as we prepare to hang a new calendar in the kitchen. I hope that you have found some joy and happiness in the past year. I hope you see the absurdness and silliness in the world around you and embrace it as you laugh at it all. If you don't, the absurdness and silliness in the world around you will weigh on you like an anchor tied to your ankle. Life is too short to be sad, angry, and depressed. Laugh, smile, and live. You won't get out of this life alive so enjoy it while you have it.

Merry Christmas and have a wonderful 2019.

How To Achieve "So Much Winning": A Primer For Both Parties

Ballots have arrived in the mail, our TV's and radios are currently being bombarded by political ads that say very little about the candidate they want you to vote for and a lot about the candidate they don't want you to vote for. Both parties are jockeying to win in this election and struggling to find a way to connect with voters or, at the very least, make sure the other party doesn't connect with voters. Being someone who at this point really doesn't identify with either party, after being abandoned by my lifelong party-the Republicans, and as someone who thinks both parties have an equal amount of ridiculousness, I feel myself well positioned to pass along information about how to capture most of America who now identifies themselves as far more "Purple" than they do "Red" or "Blue". So, Conservatives and Liberals, Reds and Blues, Donkeys and Elephants, Democrats and Republicans here are some simple steps that I believe would resonate with American voters and help push you over the finish line in November and would begin to replenish your rapidly dwindling membership rolls.

Democrats

New Leadership- If Democrats are serious about winning they should come out right now and publically declare it is a new day in the Democratic Party. And to that end, the days of hazy hyper-partisanship of Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Shumer and others of their ilk are no longer. Promise voters that if you win the House Nancy Pelosi will not be the speaker. That Chuck Shumer will no longer the Democratic leader in the Senate. Their days have come and gone. Besides, I think most people have tired of their act, it is time for new blood in the parties leadership. The largest, untapped voting base is 18-30. This is a large group of people and they don't vote. Furthermore, this group's politics are far more liberal than that of their parents or grandparents. If this group had voted in large numbers in 2016 Hillary Clinton would have won in a landslide. If you want to capture this population's vote you can't have leaders who look and act like their grandparents. Grandparents are bewildered by computers and the internet, young people are bewildered that people don't understand computers and the internet. The leaders need to look and act more like them. Dump the old and usher in the new.

Just Say No To Trump Derangement- This is a real thing and it is tiresome and not at all endearing. Far be it for me to say good things about Trump or to defend him. However, I do think that there are times that the criticism is unfair and borderline crazy. Yes, he is insufferable. Yes, he is brash. Yes, he does seem to be somewhat challenged with facts and truth. But not everything he does is worthy of a negative and derogatory post or rant. Not every word he speaks needs to analyzed, scrutinized for some shred of negativity. Anti Trumpers often lose perspective and logic and come off sounding irrationally angry and unhinged. You can be against Trump without being illogical, overly emotional, or allowing it to consume your entire life. Look, we've had bad presidents before and we've always survived them. And I know Anti-Trumpers will say "But this time is different". Trust me, Henry Clay said the same thing about the presidency of Andrew Jackson and he was convinced "that this time was different". Don't fall into the Trump Derangement trap. For most voters, this is exhausting and will only make them roll their eyes. If you've paid attention to ANY of the polls out there, most people don't like Trump as their president, but most are not consumed by their hatred of him. If you want to win, tell voters what the Democratic Party would do for voters, what is your plan for trade? Immigration? Taxes? Infrastructure? Jobs? You cannot simply be Anti-Trump. Your platform cannot be how much you hate Trump. Be more about what you are for and not what you are against.

Impeachment- DO NOT GO HERE! This ties into the above category. I don't honestly think that most Americans are willing to go here yet. Truthfully, there is not enough evidence to support an impeachment of Trump. Impeachment is a serious thing and should be looked upon as such. Impeachment should not be a political weapon which is wielded to vanquish those with whom you disagree. Impeachment is for serious legal infractions and complete disregard for the Constitution. Has Trump crossed any of these lines? No. At least not yet. There is not any evidence that Trump has committed any offenses that would warrant an impeachment process. Do not bring this up, do not discuss this. Doing so only opens Pandora's Box and could prove to cripple American democracy in the future as impeachment would be seen as a means by which to resolve the outcome of elections with which you disagree. LEAVE THIS ALONE!

Republicans

Grow A Spine- I know many Republicans are not in favor of stem cell research but in this case, I think it could be of a great benefit to the GOP. So many Republicans have no spine. Stand up to Donald Trump every once in a while. C'mon! We all know that Donald Trump has a propensity to say and do some incredibly ridiculous things. I am often astounded at some of the things he does and says. However, worse than that is the fact that so many Republicans- a party which once took great pride in trumpeting that it was the party of values and morals- stands idly by, looking at their feet, toeing the ground with slumped shoulders and hands clasped behind their back as Trump acts more like a Bully-In-Chief than the Commander-In-Chief. Rarely is there a condemnation from a Republican elected official and when there is, others will leave that official to twist in the wind as Trump vilifies and excoriates them instead to stepping forward and remind Trump that this is the American Democracy, not a Third World Banana Republic. Americans desperately want the Republicans to stand up and demand decency, decorum, and respect from the president, yet very few Republicans seem willing or able to do this.

Drink Less TEA- I'll be the first to admit that when the TEA Party movement began, I liked their ideas; less taxes and less government. Those are core ideals that I hold and this movement resonated with me...for about 30 seconds, then the TEA Party seemed to go off the rails and lose all perspective and rationality. They are now for seemingly all for as little taxes as possible, and LOTS of government involvement to ensure ideas they don't like are prevented from taking place. Worse of all this movement has hijacked the party and now are seemingly driving the car perilously and recklessly over Red Mountain Pass (if you are not from Colorado, Google this reference and you will get the analogy). Low taxes are certainly desirable, however there are times that taxes, and their increase, are not only desirable but needed for things such as infrastructure, security and safety, education, social safety nets (once these programs are begun you cannot retreat from them) and other programs and services that people expect from their government. If you are truly the guardians of fiscal responsibility you cannot simultaneously cut taxes without cutting spending. You must be more concerned with the federal deficit than you are about starting trade wars. And you should be far more concerned about the real threats to our democracy and society from the likes of Russia and North Korea than you are about the imagined dangers of Americans who don't agree with your politics. This faction of extremists has taken control of the party that was once the party of reason and pragmatism and morphed it into the party of anti-intellect and unreasonableness. For this reason, many long-time Republicans (myself included) have left the party and many of the much sought after independent voters are repulsed. Furthermore, many of the "Reagan Democrats" who made the Republicans a formidable force in the 80's and early 90's are totally gone. If Republicans want a path to capturing votes, remember patriotic Americans once threw tea overboard in protest. It worked then and it can work again.

For Both Parties

Retreat From Your Poles And Sprint To The Center- Both parties seems to be withdrawing more and more from the center and gravitating more and more to their ideological poles. Republicans seem hellbent on becoming more and more conservative and willing to give comfort to rather unsavory groups who espouse particularly revolting politics and ideas. Meanwhile, the Democrats are increasingly being pulled farther and farther to the left and often seem content to giving comfort to factions whose beliefs are particularly radical and dangerous. This rapid and further polarization must stop. Most Americans reside in the political center. We always have. Most Americans are fiscally conservative and socially moderate. Some are Center-Right (me) and some are Center-Left (my wife). But the solid center is where most Americans reside. Furthermore, most Americans are thoroughly disgusted with the present state of American politics because of the rancorous, disrespectful and malicious partisanship evident in American politics. If one or the other party wants a truly "super-majority" in American politics, then the Center is where that can be achieved; Fiscally Conservative and Socially Moderate.

Reform Campaigns- Very simply, get big money out of all campaigns. Being willing to spend $1 Million+ to win a job that pays $174,000 on the promise that you are a good steward of money is completely stupid. Out of state donors and corporations should never have more access than local constituents. Wealthy contributors should never have more influence than regular middle-class voters. Look at English political campaign laws, we can learn a lot from the British here.


So there you have it, my roadmap to winning this election and all elections in the near future for both parties. Are these radical ideas? I don't believe so, but unfortunately, in today's political world, both parties will probably view them as extraordinarily radical. However, American was founded upon the ideals of the Enlightenment Period, so there is always hope. Or perhaps it's time to entertain the formation of a true, formidable Third Party.

This Shouldn't Be Normal: A Real Life Mental Health Story

Being a teenager is hard.

Being a parent is hard.

Being the parent of a teenager is outrageously hard.

I can remember growing up as a teenager in the 1980's. I knew all there was to know in the world. I had it all figured out- life, the world, politics, girls, everything. Then I got into the "real world" and quickly realized I really didn't know much at all, especially about girls. Girls were complicated...REAL complicated. What I didn't know much about as a teenager was mental health. We never really talked about it. Nobody I can remember ever talked about mental health. Ever. As far as I knew mental health meant crazy people. Like people in straight jackets in a padded room crazy. To me you were either just out-of-your-mind, detached from all reality, bonkers crazy or you were sane. I never knew nor did it ever occur to me that it was much more nuanced than that. I never thought about it because we never talked about it. Ever. Looking back, I'm sure there were kids around me who were struggling with anxiety and depression but that was something that you just never brought up. I guess maybe it was expected or assumed that it was all part of the "teenage experience" because of the raging hormones bouncing around in our bodies. So those around me who I'm sure were struggling with those issues did so in silence. Knowing what I know now, I feel so bad for those who struggled with mental health issues in Junior High and High School. I now know and understand that mental health issues can affect anyone at any time and requires everyone to fight to overcome those issues.

My oldest son Ayden was born in the Spring of 2002. I can remember everything about that day with crystal clarity. I remember the moment he was born the nurses wanted to put in him in some bin with hot warming lights overhead so they could check his vitals but the doctor said to the nurses "No, let them see their son first. He's perfect." And Ayden was. He was truly perfect. I cried I was so happy. I made him a promise that day that I would always protect him and help him but he couldn't be a Nebraska fan or a Raiders fan. (True story by the way) Ayden seemed to be perfect all the time. He rolled over on his own way before he was supposed to, we found this out when he unexpectedly rolled off the couch and onto the floor. He began walking at nine months old. Potty training was a snap. He was a good sleeper. An early talker and was fascinated with dinosaurs. He LOVED dinosaurs! He read and watched everything and anything about dinosaurs. When Elmo's World had an episode on dinosaurs Ayden's head about exploded. When he was three, Ayden struck up a conversation with a paleontologist at the museum about how the wrong dinosaurs were in the movie Jurassic Park! Ayden was so fun and engaging to be around.

In school Ayden just seemed to know more things than other kids his age and he would get very frustrated with the other kids when they didn't know what he knew and he was more than willing to let other kids know how frustrated he was with them which earned Stephanie and I a lot of after-school conversations with his teachers. Because Ayden seemed to operate on a higher level than other kids he had a hard time connecting with his peers and "good friends" were hard for Ayden to find. However, other than his frustrations with his peers and a developing "hyper sense of righteousness" that would get him into trouble from time to time, elementary school was fairly uneventful. In middle school, everything changed.

Looking back it happened very early on. I want to say changes began to appear in late August or early September of Ayden's 7th Grade Year. I can pinpoint the exact moment that our lives pivoted for the worse. We were out on the back deck finishing dinner. Steph, our youngest Cameron and I were all chatting about our day and laughing at the sheer goofiness of life. Ayden sat there, sullen, silent, picking at his food. Finally, Steph and I asked Ayden if he was okay. Ayden replied he was okay, he was just tired. So we shrugged it off. No big deal. Moving from the elementary school to the middle school was a huge adjustment so it would make sense that Ayden might be tired from the overwhelming changes. A few days later at dinner, I noticed that Ayden had a number of scratches on his arm. I asked him about it and he laughed and said that he had cut his arm with an Exacto knife in shop class on accident. I told Ayden it looked like he had slipped several times to which Ayden replied that he had because he was having trouble controlling the knife as he was cutting the material. I thought that was weird but I took Ayden at his word. Steph and I had also noticed that Ayden seemed to have a new group of friends, mostly upper-class girls, very few guy friends and hardly anyone his age. Ayden had also begun to express an interest in dressing different and had begun to listen to a very different type of music that he had been interested in before. All of which we passed off as being normal teenage stuff. Ayden began to seem more and more withdrawn from us as well. He rarely spoke to us and often when he did it was sharp and curt. Again, just normal teenage stuff we assured ourselves. Then Steph happened to come across a computer that Ayden had been using but had forgotten to shut off. Steph noticed that he had been messaging with someone so Steph quickly glanced over the message and that's when our world as we knew it changed. In this message, Ayden spoke about very disturbing things. Ayden was not happy, Ayden was very, very low and in a very dark place. Steph printed out the messages and showed me when I got home. It was obvious something was very wrong with our perfect little boy.

We spoke with Ayden about the messages. He didn't try to pass them off or defend them though he couldn't really explain them as well. He told us that he had been cutting and that's where the cuts on his arm came from. Cutting was a whole new concept for me. I had never heard of this before. It didn't make any sense to me. To Ayden, it made perfect sense. Steph and I told Ayden he had to see a therapist as well as a psychologist. Ayden reluctantly agreed but I think deep down he was relieved. Ayden was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. At first, I didn't grasp the concept of depression. I had certainly been depressed before but within a few days, maybe a week, I was back to normal. I honestly thought Ayden just needs to get happy, get over this depression. After all, what did he have to be depressed about? He had really never had anything bad happen to him. I honestly didn't get it. Then came the gut blow. The psychologist called us into her office after speaking with Ayden. We were informed that Ayden was in a bad place and was a danger to himself. We were told to lock up all of our medication and sharp objects and Ayden was not allowed to be by himself. That was a devastating blow. Steph and I were beside ourselves. How could this happen to our perfect little boy? This was just so unreal.

The next two years was a true roller coaster ride with a lot more downs than ups. I had a ritual that I followed every morning during this time. I would wake up early in the morning to get ready for school but first I would go down to his room and wonder as I went into his room if Ayden was still alive. I would go over to his bed and place my hand on his chest to check for breathing. Thankfully, every time Ayden was still breathing and I would literally thank God for giving me one more day with Ayden. No parent should ever have to think about such things. There were nights that Steph would be so concerned about Ayden that she would go sleep in his room with him or have him come sleep on our bedroom floor. There were fights, yelling, fantastic volatile outbursts that seemed to come from nowhere. Door slamming, screaming and crying. There were days that Ayden refused to get out of bed. Days where Steph, Cameron and myself were mortal enemies and days that we were Ayden's savior. It was tough and very taxing. One moment, in particular, stands out to me. It was truly one of the scariest moments of my life. It was a Monday night and the Broncos were playing the Cincinnati Bengals. All I wanted to do was watch the game and had settled into my chair for the evening. Suddenly there was a major row in our house. Ayden and Steph were fighting with each other. I don't remember what the fight was about but I do remember that there was a lot of anger. I kept trying to be the mediator and allow cooler heads to prevail but that approach was failing spectacularly. Then Ayden said something to Steph that instantly made me extraordinarily angry. I don't remember what he said or why he said it but I do remember that it really made me angry and I was up out of my chair and in Ayden's face. At this point, Ayden said something to me that I vaguely remember as some sort of threat. I remember standing inches away from Ayden and looking into his eyes, all I saw was intense burning rage, his whole body was quivering with anger, out of the corner of my eye I could see his hands clenched in fists of resentment. I thought to myself 'My God he's going to take a swing at me.' Instantly I begin to run various scenarios over in my mind as to what my reaction should be if Ayden did take a swing at me: should I duck and push him down, should I just let him hit me, should I swing back? I was really scared. Luckily Ayden backed off and slunk back to his room. I collapsed into my chair with tears in my eyes. I was scared that I would probably have gone to jail had he swung, I was scared for my boy how did it come to this, I was scared for my family, I was scared of everything.

Eventually, I came around to understanding and accepting depression and to be able to deal with it in a real way. Ayden got out of middle school but only after having his class schedule shortened and being declared as being  "Habitually Disruptive" for fighting. Let me tell you, this Middle School stuff is not for the faint-hearted. Ayden continued with therapy and actually enjoyed and looked forward to it. Over time he got better and more mature. When high school came around Ayden was a new person. He is no longer that angry, depressed kid he was in middle school. Ayden is, for the most part, enjoyable to be around. He seems to have a new outlook on life. He still has an overdeveloped sense of righteousness that still gets him into trouble from time to time. His political beliefs continue to perplex, stun, frustrate and bewilder me. His hair makes him look like a deranged Chia-Pet. His room is still a borderline hazardous waste site. But at least he seems to be a well adjusted young man who can manage his anxiety and depression much better than he did in the past. Which makes me so happy because he's my boy who I wouldn't trade for anything in the world.

I thank often God that Steph just happened to come across those messages when Ayden was in 7th grade and that Ayden was receptive, albeit reluctant, to getting help. If we hadn't I honestly don't know that my world would be what it is today. If you know someone or even suspect someone needs mental health help, please don't hesitate to intervene. Their life and yours is too important. If you are struggling with mental health issues of any kind, please talk to someone. I guarantee you someone cares, will listen and help you get the help you need. There is no shame in seeking or receiving mental health help. You and your loved ones are too important.

The Summer Of Our Disappointment

 The stereotypical Back To School exercise is to write a "What I Did This Summer" essay. I have followed many of my friends via social media as they traveled, partied, relaxed and overall seemingly had a great summer. My summer, my wife's summer, our summer has been anything but that. Not that it was a bad summer- are there ever really any bad summers? But our summer was a summer of disappointment.

For the past year, Stephanie and I have been debating back and forth whether to sell our house and upgrade, or stay where we are at least until the boys are out of school and then move. There were many pluses and minuses to both moving or staying. If we stayed we had a house that we were for the most part happy with, we had a house payment we could easily afford, we live within walking distance of Olde Town Arvada, the neighborhood is quiet and safe, our neighborhood was recently named the "Most Desirable Neighborhood in Denver", we have a very nice sized house (almost 2200 square feet), a really nice deck, and besides all of that moving is a real pain. 

If we chose to move we would get a house that had things that our current house does not have such a two car garage, more open design so we could easily have guests over for holiday dinners, BBQ's and Bronco games, a neighborhood where EVERYONE takes care of their yards and homes instead of just a few so we wouldn't be embarrassed when people came to our house and saw the weeds, dirt, and trash infested homes that dot our block. We wouldn't have a sixty-year-old house and the upkeep that a house in its sixth-decade demand. 

Steph and I went back and forth about moving for a year plus. Finally, we came to a decision after listening to the stories from friends who had recently moved. We heard horror stories of quickly selling their homes with multiple offers but having a difficult time finding a house to move to because of the lack of homes available on the market and those that were available usually were not very nice. We had friends who lost out multiple times on offers because another offer was a little bit better than theirs. Hearing and knowing all that, Steph and I decided to stay put in our nice sixty-year-old house in the Alta Vista neighborhood a mile and a half away from Olde Town Arvada.

Then, on the first Saturday of July, we went grocery shopping. As we were leaving our house we noticed there was an open house at a house across the street from Standley Lake. So on a whim, we went to the open house on our way to King Soopers. The house was amazing! It checked every box we wanted in a house. It was beautiful. Recently remodeled, with a large open space on the main level, large master bedroom with a walk-in closet and a large master bath. It had a beautiful Trex deck with built-in lighting and seating. A large fully finished basement with a pool table, a bar, and a full bath. Plus it was closer to the boys' schools than we are now. And best of all; it was in our price range!!!! Steph and I decided that if we were going to move, this was the house for us. So we made an offer and made arrangements to put our house up for sale. 

Unfortunately, there was another offer for the house as well and it was a little better than ours so we were out. We took another week to decide if we should still put ours on the market. While we were deciding to list our house the contract on the other house fell through and the listing agent on our "dream" house contacted our realtor and wanted to know if we were still interested. HECK YEAH WE WERE! This seemed like fate! Obviously, the Universe wanted us to have this house. Within a few days of this phone call, our house was on the market. Knowing we needed to get under contract quickly, we listed below market value for our house at $410,000. Other, similar houses in the neighborhood were currently listed from $430,000-475,000. Hours after our house was actively listed we had an offer on our house! And for $15,000 over asking! We were going to get the house we both wanted! Then the roller coaster ride began.

Two days after the offer was issued, the buyer and her agent wanted to tour the house again. Fine. No worries, right? That night the offer was rescinded. The reason? Well, they wanted to say based on inspection, but no inspection had been done so that didn't hold up. We later found out it was because the prospective buyer couldn't get financed because she had some problems paying her current bills. A real letdown, but we still had time to sell our house so we could move into our new house, so back on the market we went.

Literally hours after going back on the market, a person who had looked at the house the first night saw that it had been re-listed and asked to come to look at it again. Again, hours after hitting the open market we had another offer on our house. This offer was for $415,000. Not as good as the first one but still over asking. Furthermore, the offer stated that they wouldn't ask for anything to be fixed that was under $1000. Okay, that shouldn't be a real problem because we had taken fairly good care of our house. Our realtor did say he thought it was a bit odd because the loan was for 100% and he didn't think that was possible, but apparently for our neighborhood you could get a 100% loan. Now, Steph was not happy or satisfied with this offer at all and believed that there would be better offers to come along but reluctantly agreed to accept it understanding that having an offer in hand was better than hoping there were better out there that didn't exist at that point. So, we were under contract again and began to look forward to our new lives in our new home.

We did an inspection on the new house; no real problems there (it really was a great house). A few days later the inspection was done on our house and soon after we began to get the feeling this wasn't going to end well. First up they stated that the electrical service coming into the house was not up to code because the wires were too low. Well, when the house was built in 1958, it was up to code, remember this is a SIXTY-YEAR-OLD HOUSE! The top of the chimney was worn and would need to be addressed. Okay again, this is SIXTY-YEAR-OLD HOUSE! Then the kicker- they wanted a structural engineer to come to look at the house. Fine, understandable, bring him on.

The structural engineer showed up at the house, walked around the house with a flashlight, did some measurements on the main level and the upper level with a water level and then 20-30 minutes after arriving was gone. I asked him before he left for any feedback. The engineer said it was obvious that there had been some settling in the house because of some cracks in the walls and ceiling but it had to be taken into account that the house was 60 years old. After he left, I felt good.

Later that day I was at a "mandatory fun" bowling with teacher leaders when I got a phone call. The structural engineer told the buyer that the house had settled 2" and could cost a lot of money to fix it. The buyer was terminating the contract. It was a gut punch. Our realtor said a lot of stuff after that, but I don't really remember much of what he said. We were done. The house Steph and I had been making plans about where to put furniture, how to decorate it was not going to happen. We were not going to have people over for Thanksgiving or Christmas. There would not be any Bronco parties at our new house because we were not going to get a new house. The people in what was supposed to be our new house needed to close by the end of August. This was August 1st, there was no way were would meet that deadline. We were done. We would not be going anywhere. I slunk back into the "mandatory fun" bowling, but I was not having fun at that point, mandatory or otherwise. I wanted to go home.

I came home and told Steph what had happened. We were sad and despondent. We lost a great house that, in our minds, we had already moved into. And on top of that, our house, the house we had spent the past nine years of our life, was junk. Steph and I sat on our bed, in our crumbling bedroom and looked at each other. We didn't say anything, we didn't have to. Our next, great house was gone. We would never get that back. Our house was about to collapse at any minute. We should have never bought this house. We were stuck in a house that was okay but not great and we were never going to be able to get out of here. Sadness is a powerful, debilitating feeling. We went to bed that night sad that we thought our house was good enough to raise our boys in and spend our holidays in and do work on and make so many good memories in but in the end none of those things seemed true. Our house was not good enough.

The next morning when I woke up, I walked around the house and looked at things. I mean really looked at things. Our floors creaked, there were some cracks in walls and ceilings, but the all the doors also opened and closed, as did the windows, the heating and cooling systems worked great. Olde Town Arvada was still a 20-minute walk away. The neighborhood was still quiet and safe. The more I looked and the more I thought the angrier I became. The more insulted I became. Two inches, some creaking floorboards and a few cracks in a sixty-year-old house are the reasons to drop the offer?! This person was getting a GREAT deal! $415,000 for a 2,200 square foot house in a hot neighborhood in Denver is a fantastic deal! What did this person want? If you want a perfect house go buy a new house, not a house built in 1958! Oh and good luck finding a new house for $415,000 in Denver! Or an older house as nice as ours! 2,200 square feet, four bedrooms, two full baths and one-half bath, a fully finished basement, plus a new roof in Olde Town Arvada for $415,000?!?!?!? Who do you think you are? This house isn't good enough for you? This house was good enough to live in for nine years! This house was good enough to raise my boys in! This house was good enough for me and my family! Yet, this person doesn't think this house is good enough for them?!?!?! They are wrong! You are not good enough for this house! You don't deserve this house! My house! I was not happy. This "buyer" really set me off. One, because they had caused us to lose a house Steph and I absolutely loved and two, because I really felt insulted that they would feel this way about a house that we had raised our family in. Perhaps that is irrational, but then anger and frustration have a way of making the irrational seem perfectly rational.

So, the question begs, "Now what?" Steph and I spoke for a long time about this very question. For now, we'll stay. We don't hate this house, actually we kind of like it- the look of the neighborhood, well that's a different issue. So we'll stay until Cameron is through or almost through high school. We're going to hire our own structural engineer to do a full survey on our house so we can get a full, true picture of the actual state of our house. And then, in a couple of years, put it up for sale again and move to our next "dream home". For now, we are content in our house as well as knowing the buyer is never going to find anything as charming or as nice for the price as our sixty-year-old house in Olde Town Arvada.

An Ending And Then A Beginning

Today, May 30th, is the last day of the school year for me. The students last day was last Thursday, the 24th. I’ve spent the last few days finishing grades (for the most part, they were good), cleaning my room (it’s amazing how messy things can get in nine months time), packing things up (it’s amazing how many things teachers accumulate over the course of twenty years), and attending meetings here and there (yuck!). Now I sit in an empty classroom looking at thirty empty desks that once were occupied by a total 124 students over the course of the day during the past school year, most of whom were reluctant to do much of anything beyond looking at their phones. Most of these students were willing to put aside the latest snapchat, or a game of Fortnight, or the text from their friends about where they were going to go for lunch if you asked them to and at least indulge your request that they learn about the Iranian Hostage Crisis or the nuances of the New Deal. I look at my classroom walls which are wallpapered in various historical photos, old newspapers with blaring headlines, political cartoons drawn for me by past students, and senior pictures of former students I’ve had over the past twenty years. For nine months out of the year, these walls contain almost constant noise of bustling students busily shuffling papers and excitedly talking with their friends, my yelling as I describe the horrors of trench warfare, the buzz of students as they work (or often times- not really work) in groups as they grapple with the complexities of the Great Depression, as well as my rap that I recite when another war is imminent. But now the walls contain silence save for the gentle tapping of my keyboard. The hallways outside my classroom walls, often a cacophony of sound as students hurrying- or not so much- to class or the bathroom is as silent as the grave with the occasional sounds of teachers walking by and the muffled laughter emanating from unknown classrooms as teachers trade humorous stories. Other than that, the only sound within the school is the constant low hum of the air conditioning that only seems to cool the air in the hallway of the second floor of the school and not the oven that the classrooms become.

I will spend my summer recharging from the sixty-plus hour work weeks I routinely put in during the school year. I will spend time with my family and in doing so, remember why my life is so good. I will read- a lot- so that I will have more stories and antidotes for my lessons next year. Shortly after my birthday in the middle of July, my thoughts will begin to turn to what is coming soon and I will begin planning for the 2018-2019 school year. Redesigning lessons, rearranging units, creating new approaches to old topics. Soon August will arrive and with it, the beginning of a new school year.

August brings both welcome and unwelcome changes to the summer routine. I do look forward to going back to school. I tend to get bored during the summer. I will become reacquainted with fellow teachers as we regale one another with our various summer adventures. I will meet and welcome new teachers either to the profession or the school. A new roster of new students will greet me as I open my Campus App on my computer. Copies will need to be made as a fresh new year approaches. These are the welcome changes. The unwelcome changes? Well, those are easy to point out; meetings, meetings, meetings, oh and did I mention meetings? Meetings outlining all of the great new stuff that will revolutionize education and rocket us forward in ways never thought possible. The greatest innovations in education… at least until next year when we will be informed that the old ways no longer worked and these new ways are the way to go. New teachers are eager and excited, hanging on every word and phrase, furiously taking notes they know will transform their teaching. "Experienced" teachers eyes glaze over from the new phraseology for old, tired tactics. They pensively look at other seasoned teachers as if to say 'Can the students come back today? Please?' Soon enough the hallways come alive again with the shouts and giggles of incoming Freshman who are hopelessly lost, Sophomores who are thankful they are no longer Freshmen, Juniors who are content they have lasted this long and know the end is around the corner, and Seniors who believe May can't get here soon enough. My empty desks will once again be filled with students who are all at once excited to be back in school with their friends and favorite teachers while at the same time upset that one of their last truly great summers has come to a close. The bell will ring and I will once again stand in front of fresh young students, glowingly bronzed from a summer of enjoyment and say to them "Welcome to American History. The story of how you and everything you know around you came to be." With that, a new school year will begin. And we will again be hurtling down a path that we can't predict or foresee except that it will once again end in silence and alone in our collective classrooms at the end of May.

Education is very unique in that it is one of the few professions out there that has a very definite beginning and a very definite end. Often times those beginnings and endings are hectic, frustrating, stressful, and not-so-pretty. But I can honestly say that I have never not enjoyed either the beginning or the end. Both are exciting, fun and enjoyable for different reasons. And I absolutely love what takes place in between the beginning and the end. The summers are nice too, jus' sayin'... People have begun to ask me how much longer I have until retirement. Not sure what that means; do I look older than I really am? Are they secretly hoping that I'm close to retirement? Not sure. My response is always the same; "I have at least ten more years before I can retire. However, if, in ten years, I still enjoy what I'm doing and I still feel that I am effective in the classroom, then I may have another fifteen or twenty years left in me." I believe most teachers think the same way although they may not always feel that way.

For my non-educator friends, I want them to know that teachers do not go into education for June, July, and August. That really is not a consideration of most teachers. Most go into education because they are eternal optimists, who believe that the future is bright and that they can help mold and shape the future for the better. Teachers believe that what they do is important and that what they do matters. In pursuing those halcyon dreams, teachers are also willing to accept frustrations and resistance- trust me, it is often a herculean effort getting thirty kids to do something that they really would rather not.

For my educator friends, enjoy the silence and the solitude. Soon the noise and commotion will return.

Guns, Schools and Politics: An American After School (Not So) Special

Locks, lights, out of sight.

Former Denver conservative radio talk show host, Mike Rosen, used to demand of callers when they would call into his show that they tell him "where they sit before they tell him where they stand". So I will do just that. I am a registered Republican, always have been, although if you know me you also know that I feel I have been abandoned by my party. I am a conservative. I like and want small, limited government, however, I do understand the need for government to exist and have some presence in our lives in order to maintain order and prevent chaos from reigning as well as providing basic services for its citizens. I do support the 2nd Amendment and support the right of people to own guns. I myself own guns...plural, "guns". Although  I don't own and really don't have any desire to own one, I have had experience with an AR-15. I also believe the time has come to have a serious discussion about AR-15s, other assault rifles and guns in general in American society. My kids, my students, your kids are too important not to have this discussion.

The phrase I started this essay with is a phrase that is repeated in my classroom at least two times a year. In addition to the cursory fire drills, schools also practice active shooter in the building drills. When students hear "Locks, lights, out of sight" on the intercom they, unfortunately, know what that means; the door must be locked immediately, all lights must be shut off, shades must be drawn and they must get on the floor out of sight from any windows. Students are instructed they are to remain silent until told otherwise (this is an exceptionally hard thing for Freshmen as the boys can't seem to keep their hands off of each other and girls giggle about everything incessantly). We are not allowed to open the door for anybody, anything or any reason. Even if they are pounding on the door demanding, begging, pleading that we let them in. I have a Home Depot bucket in my room filled with kitty litter, a curtain and toilet paper in case the lockdown lasts a while and your bladder can't. I also have some snacks in there, just in case we get the urge to eat I guess. The sad part of this is that this is "normal" for schools. It shouldn't be, but it is. This is wrong and it should be. Schools should be about friends, recess, Prom, classes, cool teachers, mean teachers and grades, not drills for an active shooter. I can honestly say I can't remember any time I've heard about a school catching on fire during the school day and teachers or students saying that they were thankful they had done fire drills. But I have heard of school shootings and teachers, as well as students, talk about the drills they have done in preparation for one. This must stop. We must address the elephant in the room. We must actively find solutions to this now. It shouldn't be harder for people to get a drivers license than it is to get a gun. An 18-year kid can't buy beer, but that same kid can buy a gun. None of that makes sense. However, there are a plethora of reasons why people will say that any discussion on the availability to get guns is a non-starter. Allow me to address some of these reasons.

This Is A Mental Health Issue Not A Gun Issue
Arguing that this is a mental health issue is like arguing that water isn't wet. OF COURSE IT IS!!!!!! Anytime anyone for any reason kills another person, there is some sort of psych issue taking place. We should increase access and funding for mental health, we should also address the availability of weapons to people who have mental health issues. Normal, sane people don't just kill other people.

However, if this is your argument yet you supported the repeal of a law that made it very difficult for people with mental issues to get a hold of a weapon you are either a charlatan or a hypocrite. If you call for more access to health care to help "these people" but you also supported cutting funding for healthcare which would have granted access for "these people" to get mental health help, your credibility is at best questionable. Think before you act. Politicians are elected to represent all citizens, not just some. Do what is best for the people of this nation, rather than focus on your base.

Next!

We Could Prevent School Shootings By Placing Armed Veterans In Schools
A noble idea to be sure. I love veterans and support veterans 100%. But there are a few problems here. First, if we are really worried about becoming a police state, is the best way to prevent that by having armed people roaming the halls of our schools. Do we want our future decision makers to see having heavily armed people in their lives as normal? I've been in countries where it is very common to see heavily armed police and military personnel standing on street corners and along highways. It is very unnerving. Are things really that unsafe, that this is "normal"? That is not a society in which I would want to live.

Second, this takes money. How are these veterans going to be paid? Currently, there are about 140,000 schools in the country. Let's say that each school has an armed veteran in each school earning a salary of $45,000. This comes out to costing taxpayers over $6 Billion a year!!! And that's just salary. This doesn't include paying for equipment, benefits and other costs of employment. $6 billion a year!!!! I have to buy kleenex for my classroom out of my pocket because we don't have enough budget to buy kleenex! We have to worry about the number of copies we make because our copy budget is limited. But somehow we can come up with $6 billion a year to have heavily armed veterans walk the halls of our schools?

Next!

We Can Arm Our Teachers
You cannot be serious. I have known teachers my whole life. I am around teachers all the time. I do not want most of these people to have a gun, especially in a high-pressure situation as an active shooter. Many of these people are dangerous to be around when they have a marker in their hands and you want them to have a gun? C'mon! Seriously!

Also, many teachers, especially young teachers, don't make a lot of money. I personally know of teachers who have Masters Degrees but live in their parent's basement because their student loans are too high and they don't make enough money to live on their own. I just read an article that teachers in Oklahoma want four day weeks so they can go get a job at Wal-Mart just so they can make enough money to pay rent and eat. But you think they can afford to buy a gun? Seriously!

Next!

The 2nd Amendment

Do not lecture me about the 2nd Amendment. Trust me, I've spent my whole life studying and learning American history. It is not only my profession, it is my passion. One of my areas of emphasis is early American history (1700-1815), trust me I understand why the 2nd Amendment was added and all of the nuances far better than most. I also know that the last part of the 2nd Amendment states that people are to have guns in order to have a well-organized militia. If you can explain to me why that last statement was included in the 2nd Amendment, then we can continue to have a discussion. But if your understanding of the 2nd Amendment begins and ends with "It's my damn right to own guns! It's guaranteed by the Constitution!" Then you are not helping your cause any and only helping to perpetuate a stereotype. I don't think we should take away all guns. No president has ever advocated for that; no not even Obama. But I do think it is time that we discuss what is necessary and decent and what is not. Handguns, shotguns, rifles are fine. Most people would agree with this statement. You can use handguns for self-defense. Shotguns and rifles are used for hunting. I and most Americans would agree with and support these weapons. However, so-called assault rifles are not practical for either self-defense or hunting. They have one purpose; to kill or maim as many people in a short amount of time. Barry Goldwater, the father of modern American conservative thought and political icon for me once stated "I've been a member of the NRA, I collect, make and shoot guns. I've never used an automatic or semiautomatic for hunting. There's no need to. They have no place in anyone's arsenal. If any S.O.B. can't hit a deer with one shot, then he ought to quit shooting." I am not sure if assault weapons fit under the heading of a "well-regulated militia". I just don't.

Next!

It's UnAmerican
I find this a very curious statement. Since when is it unAmerican to try and protect our people? We have a plethora of laws on the books designed to do exactly that. In the early 1900's laws were passed to ensure the meat and medicine that we ingested was safe and wouldn't kill us. There are laws and regulations in place to ensure that our working conditions were safe. Laws were passed mandating an 8-hour workday and forbidding the use of child labor. It is against the law to bring a weapon to a park, government building, or school. When these laws were passed there were people who fought vigorously against them and warned that this was the first step towards Bolshevism. Well over a hundred years have passed and we are not addressing one another as Comrade or standing in line for toilet paper. However, our society is for the better because of these laws. We are safer now than we were then.

Many people who balk at any notion of any type of gun laws look upon the Old West with nostalgia. They see it as an idyllic time when men were men and justice was swift. However, what many of these people who look favorably upon this time don't realize or choose to ignore is that most of the towns in the Old West forbid anyone in town from carrying a weapon. If someone happened to be visiting the town, they were required to drop off their firearm at the local sheriff's office lest they be paid a visit by the sheriff so he could collect their gun during their stay. Indeed, this was one of the reasons that the infamous Gun Fight at the OK Corral took place in Tombstone, AZ. There is hardly anyplace that embodies the spirit and ideas of America than the Old West and they saw the safety of their citizens as the most American of ideals.

When the NRA was founded it had nothing to do with allowing people to own guns or an almost irrational defense of the 2nd Amendment. No, when it began shortly after the Civil War, its purpose and goal were much more limited and modest. Look it up if you don't believe me. At one time the NRA supported and worked with the American government in limiting access to guns. During the 1920's, the NRA proposed laws that mandated 5 years of additional prison time if a gun was used in the commission of a crime, forbid people from carrying weapons on their person, a one day waiting period before the possession of a gun could take place and local police had to be notified of all gun sales. With the increased violence of the Prohibition Era, Franklin Roosevelt proposed a series of new, tougher gun laws; the 1934 National Firearms Act and the 1938 Gun Control Act. These laws forbid the purchase of the so-called "Tommy Gun" (Thompson submachine gun) favored by the gangsters of the day, outlawed sawed-off shotguns and silencers, required all gun purchases to be registered with the federal government and forbid felons from buying guns. These laws were supported and advocated for by the NRA. In fact, the president of the NRA at the time, Karl T. Fredrick, testified in a congressional hearing on these laws stating, "I have never believed in the general practice of carrying weapons. I do not believe in the general promiscuous toting of guns. I think it should be sharply restricted and only under licenses."

Furthermore, during the 1980's when gang violence seemed to rule the streets in places like Los Angeles, Chicago, and New York, laws were passed, with the support of Conservative icon and one of my political idols Ronald Reagan, that outlawed the sale of "armor piercing bullets" for handguns. The reason for this was because so many police officers were being shot and killed. A justifiable reason as any for such a law. We do not want those protecting us to be killed in the course of doing their job. The death of law enforcement officials spurs many into action to ensure it doesn't happen again, and rightly so. The same should be true for the senseless killing of our students and school employees. It should not be unAmerican to want to protect our future from dying before their future has begun.

A Proposal

What I would propose would be more requirements and restrictions on gun ownership.  This is for the safety and protection of not only others but also the gun owner themselves. At one time anyone at any age could drive a car so long as they could reach the pedals and steering wheel. We, as a society, quickly realized this probably was not a good idea. There were numerous serious and deadly crashes and we could see that the problem would only get worse as more and more cars appeared on the roads. So we instituted laws to maintain safety for all. A driving age was instituted, a procedure was created to ensure that only people who knew the rules and could demonstrate they could safely operate a car could get a license. Amazingly, on a per capita basis, the number of deadly and serious accidents began to precipitously drop once these regulations began to be put in place. I've never heard anyone argue that people should be allowed to drive without proving they are capable. Never. In fact, many of the same people who would chafe under increased requirements to get a gun are the exact same people who willingly sign up for concealed carry classes and then brag about it! I would propose that people who wish to own a gun must pass a mental competency and background check, take and pass a gun safety course, then demonstrate some degree of proficiency with that gun in front of an instructor before they could be licensed and allowed to take ownership of a gun. No rights are being violated, anyone who wanted a gun could still own one. No one has a problem with this process for the privilege of driving a car, why would it be a problem with owning a gun? You cannot possess a live hand grenade, there are rules and regulations on owning tanks, cannons and anti-aircraft guns and no one seems to question those rules or argue that their rights are being violated.

Have an assault rifle? Fine, you can keep them, but you cannot sell them. And you must notify law enforcement of your ownership. That way if the police have to respond to a disturbance in your home they are aware of the possible risks and if you are ever convicted of a violent crime or felony they can confiscate that weapon. But from this point forward, no more assault weapons can be sold to the general public. I like my guns, I love my freedom but I care for my kids, my students, and your kids more.

Conclusion
In 2012 after the New Town shooting, President Obama called for an increase in gun control laws as he wiped tears from his eyes. Donald Trump, yes THAT Donald Trump, tweeted his approval stating that "President Obama spoke for me and every American in his remarks in #Newtown, Connecticut"Trump Newtown Tweet And yet all our politicians seem to be able to do is offer "thoughts and prayers" and little else. They seem to believe that "thoughts and prayers" will solve the problem. It doesn't. Thoughts and prayers ring more and more hollow with every senseless shooting. Such inept words do little to soothe the anguish of parents whose child died in a pool of blood on the floor of a classroom. Words may never hurt you, but they will do little to heal you.

This past week I was reminded of a conversation I had with a student in 2012 after the New Town shooting. We were discussing the tragedy and the heroic actions of the teachers who were killed while trying to shield and hide their students. The student asked me 'If that happened here would you do the same trying to protect students?' I stopped for a second and replied, 'Yeah, I'd like to think I would. I think I would do the same.' The student thought for a moment and looked off at the wall, then looked at me and said, 'But you shouldn't have to, your job is to teach us history and stuff like that. It's not to protect us from a shooter.'

The student was right, it's not my job to protect students from a shooter, it's not.

But, unfortunately, it is. 

Black and White and Hate and Hope

Hate and Hope.

Right and Wrong and In Between

My oldest son, Ayden, is a passionate soul. He’s passionate about normal teenage stuff; his phone, sleeping, football, girls, video games, his phone, girls, and sleeping. He’s passionate about learning new and different things about the world around him. Turning in his schoolwork on time or at all? He’s not so passionate about that. He’s passionate about music, he plays the guitar (and he’s quite good) and he sings (and he’s really good). He is also passionate about human rights, he’s passionate about the underdog and underclass, he’s passionate about social justice, and he’s passionate about righteousness and good triumphing over evil and bad. His passion for social justice and righteousness is so strong that he only sees things as right or wrong, he loses rationality and objectivity. This is not uncommon for teenagers who often only tend to see things as white or black. His political beliefs and mine don’t match up at all. In any aspect. This has led to many, many intense debates between he and I. One of our most frequent debates is over the issue of race and racism.

Both of us are in agreement that any type of racism against any race is wrong and unacceptable. Both of us are in agreement that any type of bigotry against anyone, any religion, and lifestyle, or any gender is intolerable. Where we differ is in our understanding of redemption and rehabilitation. I believe it is possible. Ayden, for the most part, does not.

We were recently watching a TV show, and a story came on about Daryl Davis, a black man who just couldn’t understand or comprehend the concept of racism. He could not wrap his head around the notion that someone could hate him if that person did not know him. So, Davis actively seeks out members of the KKK and goes to talk with them to find out why they hold the beliefs they do. He does this not just out of curiousness but he also does it because he wants to make friends with them. And often times he does and very often Davis gets the KKK member to give him their hood and robe as they disavow the KKK. Davis’ philosophy is simple; you can’t hate an entire group of people just because, and you can’t automatically hate someone if you don’t know them. During the interview, Davis said that he believed if you sat down with someone and just talked for five minutes you would find something you have in common with each other. Then you could talk about that commonality for ten more minutes and that would lead to other things you have in common and soon you would realize that you have a lot more in common than you do not. Davis’ philosophy was simple: You don’t have to like everything about a person but there is almost always something about every person that you can like. You just need to talk and interact with people.

This story launched Ayden and me into another discussion about racism and bigotry. Ayden tends to believe that once a person is a racist or bigot, that’s a tough stain to come back from. I tend to believe that people can change. Just because you once were a “bad” person doesn’t condemn you to always being a bad person. I choose not to associate with racists and bigots on a personal level. I certainly don’t condone their beliefs or lifestyle but I also believe that people can have an honest change of heart and redeem themselves to become productive and positive forces in society. As always happens when Ayden and I discuss this topic the conversation quickly turns to Nazi’s. Ayden harbors a special hatred for Nazi’s. I certainly strongly dislike them as well. But Ayden, he despises them. And when our conversation turns to Nazi’s that’s when our conversation steps up to a whole new level of discourse.

Nazi’s, Rights, and Wrongs

Both Ayden and I have no use for Nazi’s and their abusive, destructive ideology. I don’t understand that level of hate. I don’t understand how you can believe you are better than another person simply because the color of your skin is different from another’s. I don’t understand how you can believe that someone is inferior to you simply because their religious beliefs are different than yours. None of that unfounded hatred makes any sense to me. On this point, Ayden and I agree. Beyond this, Ayden and I agree on very little when it comes to Nazi’s and unfettered hatred. Ayden believes that the way to defeat Nazi’s is through violence. Wherever Nazi’s are, they should be met with physical force. Attack and intimidation is the antidote to Nazism and those of their ilk according to my oldest. I disagree, violence only begets violence. When your entire philosophy is predicated upon violent confrontation, physical intimidation, and submission via force I believe you are only buttressing and validating their convictions by physically attacking them. Nazi’s and those of similar creeds relish physical confrontations. Iron sharpens iron. You cannot hope to defeat the ideologies that you detest if you engage in the same tactics that you abhor. When combating racism, bigotry, and hatred in all its forms and creations you will always win the intellectual and moral arguments. Hatred, racism, and bigotry hold no high ground in any principled discussion. Physically attacking those with whom you vehemently disagree only lowers you to their level. Nazi’s and Fascists did exactly this in Germany and Italy when they were coming to power by employing young men to assault on sight those who were opposed to their philosophies and intimidating their opponents into submission and the shadows of society. I do believe, however, if you are attacked or physically threatened by these troglodytes, then, by all means, fight with a violent will and be merciless, but do not attack with the only provocation being the mere sight of these people. On this point, Ayden and I go around and around with each other.

Another point of strong contention between Ayden and I is over the “rights” of these people and their freedom of speech. Ayden once asked me if I thought people had the right to be bigots, racists, or belong to the KKK or be a Nazi. This was an interesting question I thought. Not sure right is the correct term here. Usually, when I think of a “right” I think in terms of people believing in or subscribing to beliefs and ideologies that have some basis of rationalism and reality- you can understand why people would support those ideas even if you don’t. For instance, I don’t believe in any way, shape or form with Communism, but I can understand why it would be appealing to some people. I don’t subscribe to Atheism, but I can see why some people would. But when it comes to being a racist or bigot, I don’t understand how people can hold those views. To me people are people and that’s all. Some are good people and some are not but the color of their skin, their religion, their lifestyle or their gender does not determine if they are good or bad. So, with that understanding of a “right” I’m not sure that being a racist or bigot fits that description. Do people have the “right” to be a racist or bigot? I suppose they do although I really don’t understand how they can have those beliefs. Do people have the “right” to belong to the KKK or be a Nazi? Again, I suppose they do although I don’t understand how they can choose to belong to such groups. I believe those “rights” are protected by the First Amendment. Free Speech is tricky, often uncomfortable thing and often forces us to protect and defend things we find enormously offensive or repugnant. Where their rights end is when they seek to impose their will or thought on others in a violent fashion. Ayden vehemently disagrees with this argument. No one he argues has the “right” to be racist or a bigot. No one, he believes, has the right to belong to the KKK or the Nazi’s. When I ask him how he would prevent people from being like that, he really doesn’t have an answer which I guess circles back to my beliefs: You can’t prevent people from believing racist ideology or belonging to various groups. Nor would I really want to. As much as I abhor and detest people like that, I don’t want to begin passing laws against it. That is a slippery slope. How do you determine which groups or thoughts are okay and which are not? Who gets to determine that? What is the punishment for offenses? Why is that the punishment? Who gets to determine the punishment? Why do those people get to determine the punishment? And then once we feel satisfied that we have squashed out the groups we feel repugnant do we then begin to go after the Republicans or the Democrats because some of the people from the “subversive” groups migrated to those parties? Do we go after the Boy Scouts because they only allow boys and at one time would not allow homosexuals? Where does the cleansing end? Is this a society we want to live in? For me, it is not.

So, do people have the “right” to be racist, bigoted and belong to organizations that promote their ideas? For me, yeah, I suppose they do. Would I defend their “rights”? I would defend their rights to hold those beliefs, to write about their beliefs, to publish and promote their beliefs. But I could not and would not ever defend their beliefs or promote their beliefs. Defending their right to think and say what they do is very different from defending their beliefs. Ayden disagrees, in his mind defending their right to think things is the same as defending their beliefs. And that comes back to my understanding of “rights”. I understand how my son arrives at this belief. I can, when I look at it from his perspective, get where he is coming from. But I don’t agree with his perception, but I will defend his right to hold that belief.

Teenage Vision, Hate, and Hope

All of this brings me back to my earlier point at the beginning of this essay; Can people change their ideas and redeem themselves when they have previously held socially destructive, divisive and repugnant ideas or belonged to hateful groups and organizations? Ayden, for the most part, believes they can’t. He doesn’t believe he could ever like someone who at one time held hateful ideas or belonged to socially divisive organizations. Once a bigot, always a bigot. Once a racist you will always have racist thoughts in Ayden’s eyes. I believe the opposite. People have a change of heart all the time. People can see the error of their ways and rebuild their standing within their community and repair any relationships they may have damaged because of their beliefs. People can always become better, people can always become good. Even when they were the worst of the worst. People are just people.

I believe that over time Ayden’s views on humanity and the world will change. Probably not radically, he’ll always retain his core values. But, I do believe that he will begin to see the nuances of issues and people, he will begin to begin to see the grey and less black and white. It happens to all of us. When we were teenagers, we were sure we knew the world and how to fix it because we could see with such clarity the right and wrongs and we couldn’t understand how the older generations had such blurred vision when it came to the world. As we grew older, we’ve come to realize that it was us, as teenagers, who had the blurred vision because we saw things in such stark contrasts. We’ve come to realize the world is not black and white, it is not good and bad. In fact, there is more in the middle than there is anywhere else. Ayden will come to see that as well as he gets older I’m sure. As for me, I can’t hate people, certainly not people that I don’t know or have ever met. I can’t hate people because I disagree with their politics, their religion, their lifestyle, or their core beliefs. I have to meet people and get to know them before I can dislike them. And even then, hating them is hard. Hating takes too much time, effort and energy to sustain and the people who you would hate are not worth that type of effort. I can say that every time I meet someone, I can always find something about them that I like or admire. That is the point that I am trying to teach to Ayden. Before you hate a person, you have to know that person. Once you know that person, you will realize there is hope.

Hope always beats hate.